Christian Singles Divorced: Is It Time to Date Again?
Dave Pipitone
Sad but true. 50% of all U.S. marriages end in divorce, leaving half of the several million people married for less than five years wondering what relationship will be next for them. Christian singles divorced from their previously married lifestyle can easily get stuck in grief, anger and an unwillingness to trust again.
Divorced Christians can regain their hope by working with compassionate ministers, church ministries and services that understand the hurt emotions and grief a divorce causes. For online dating, general and single dating websites may not be suitable for everyone who has experienced divorce. The best alternative is to find a Christian dating website that gives previously married individuals and singles the opportunity to find sincere relationships with strong futures and family ties.
Recently divorced women and men focus on the grief process; the physical, social, and emotional impact of divorce; and the unexpected crises that occur. Some of the issues include anger at people and at God, isolation from the church, depression, and feelings of rejection, as well as ways to manage these reactions and find hope. Dating for divorced Christians has a number of theological and emotional traps. Before covering dating advice for the recently divorced, consider this viewpoint.
The bottom line is that God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16) and desires couples to forgive each other and get reconciled. However, there are many circumstances where divorce occurs because of infidelity, spousal abuse and domestic violence. In these cases, divorce ensues. Many Christians often divorce and remarry. Catholics need a church annulment before they are cleared to remarry. Of course, no one remarries without first going through a dating or courtship process.
Dating after divorce is not the ultimate goal. As with unmarried couples, dating is part of a process that leads toward a lifelong commitment in marriage. Consider these dating tips for divorced Christian singles.
First, go slow. Why? Your relationship that you thought would last forever died when you divorced. You must heal and grieve that loss. In family divorce court classes, divorced Christians are advised to avoid a dating for at least a year after divorce relationship ends. You will need to rediscover who you are as a single person. When you were married, you may have thought of "us" instead of "me." Now, you are alone. Take time to learn what went wrong in your marriage and seek God's new direction in your life.
As you adjust to your new life style, avoid making impulsive or dumb mistakes. Whether you admit it or not, after a divorce you are vulnerable and needy. Your self esteem has taken a severe blow. Someone could take advantage of you during this time that leads to further hurt and mistrust.
Avoid getting into a rebound relationship. It delays your healing process. Statistics indicated that the vast majority of people who date shortly after a separation and/or divorce have a difficult time remaining sexually pure, make regrettable moral choices and tend to repeat prior relationship mistakes.
If you have children, don't subject them to uncertainty and doubt by dating before you and they have properly healed and adjusted to a new life. Many children dream about their parents reuniting, so they will need time to face the reality of a new mom or dad.
There are many Christian singles groups specifically designed for the newly divorced, whether they have children or not. These can be a wonderful help to you and your family. Consider joining a group like DivorceCare.com which has meetings world-wide to offer emotional and spiritual support. You can meet Christian singles divorced in your area who are struggling with similar dating issues. By connecting with a support group, you can develop a way to cope and hope with a new life.
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